All Request Day: The Honda Element

J wants to know what I think of the Honda Element, pictured below.

I think they are some of the ugliest pieces of shit on the road and Honda needs to stop wasting its time and money and stick to what it does best:  producing economical vehicles that get superior gas milage compared to the overwhelming majority of vehicles on the road and will most likely crack 200,000 miles on the odometer without breaking a sweat.  Ugly, ugly, ugly.  I wouldn't let my grandmother be seen driving one of these cars.

The thing is, I have free reign to bash the Element as much as I want.  Why?  I'm a Honda guy.  100%.  There is a reason there is a CR-V sitting in our garage and a Civic in the driveway.  I'm of the belief that when you buy a Honda, you are making an investment.  (I've even got the official Honda dealership flag hanging in my garage for chrissakes, as if the two vehicles themselves aren't enough to highlight my allegiance to the company.  I'm weird like that.)  The CR-V just turned 3 and has a whopping 21,000 miles on it.  At this rate, it's going to hit about 100,000 miles after 15 years.  One hundred thousand miles on a Honda is nothing.  And with only 4 payments left on it, I'd like to think it can be kept around at least that long and what used to be the monthly car payment for this rig becomes pure gravy.  Same deal with the Civic.  It just turned 4 this month and is finally poddy trained.  It has around 47,000 miles on it.  For a Civic?  Nothing but a chicken wing.  I'm so looking forward to the day when that little weinermobile of mine hits 200,000 miles, and it's just a matter of when.  If I keep waxing on and waxing off like I have been, these cars are going to be on the road for a while.  For someone whose "dislikes" in my high school yearbook senior year included "anything made in Japan," I've come a long way.

Getting back to the Element.  It is my understanding that the whole idea behind the Element was to appeal to the younger, cooler generation.  You can see this in how Honda markets these pieces of crap.  Young guys or gals, frolicking on the beach or running down mountains, taking a moment to grab something from their Element, laughing and smiling the entire time.  Boy these cars look like fun!  And I'll have the most attractive friends in the world, too, if I buy one!

Jeezus, Honda.

It is also my understanding that the Element, as well as the similarly modeled Scion, are a major flop sales-wise.  Why?  Because the vast majority of Gen X-ers comprising the younger, cooler generation think these cars are ugly pieces of shit and wouldn't be caught dead in one, let alone pack it full of our friends, stuff our surfboards or mountain bikes or whatever the hell else in the back of it and engage in some type of visible activity in public.  Furthermore, take a look sometime at the people who are actually behind the wheels of these 2-tone boxmobiles.  Sure, a younger person here and there, but I'd bet the majority of Element owners are the middle-aged, collar-up wearing, dorky males who simply don't have a fucking clue.

Hey Honda, listen.  There's going to be a number of unsuspecting googlers curious about the Element that are directed here and will read my less-than flattering review of these bunk cars.  Don't be pissed at me.  Be pissed at the little monkeys you have working in your marketing department that somehow reached the conclusion that these cars would be a hot ticket.  You're paying these people to come up with good ideas, and I'm sorry, but this one was shit.  And for every rant I have about the Honda Element, I have 100 raves and comments of sincere praise for the CR-V and the Civic, as well as the Honda company in general.

Now about those Honda Ridgelines. . .

Comments

[Jessica]

The only person I know who owns an Element is a fucked up little leprechaun who is addicted to vicodin.

[Rich]

Honda is definitely going to make me return the flag.

Definitely.