Slice of Life

Shakedown City

Just submitted my resignation to the higher-ups at work.  Everyone is very understanding and supportive, and appear to be sincerely excited about my new opportunity.  However, this place is absolutely dead.  Morgue-like dead.  Fortunately some asshole who works for the same agency as I do called me this morning to bitch about how I do my job, and when I questioned him about why he is taking a completely different position on an enforcement case I handled a few months ago his response was that at the time he was "still pissed off" about how I handled a different matter.  That's, what's the word I'm looking for. . . mature.

This is gonna be a long ass month.

RE:

I have a problem with being told to do something twice in a staff meeting despite being asked to do the same thing at least twice in the same meeting a week earlier that was preceeded by me publicly and clearly confirming that "I'm on it" all of which was followed up with a memo about the previous two meetings and an e-mail following up to the follow-up just to make sure I got the message from the first follow-up to the initial requests that weren't even necessary in the first place because contrary to popular belief I do indeed know what the fuck I'm doing and don't need anyone crawling up my ass when it comes to how I perform the most menial aspects of my job like say making sure someone signs a memo that really is nothing more than a technicality and the sky really won't fall if the memo doesn't get signed for another week or so but I could be wrong because there might be a memo in draft form addressing the memo that needs to be signed which may all be on the agenda for the next staff meeting during which I will surely be asked twice about the status of the memo that needs to be signed despite the memo I already got about the memo even though there could be this substantive memo in the works about the memo which wasn't originally addressed in the first memo I got about the memo but could very well have been mentioned in the follow-up e-mail to the follow-up memo about the memo that could be reiterated in the new memo.

Out of Office Reply: God Bless Vermont

I will be out of the office on Wednesday, August 16th, in recognition of Battle of Bennington Day.

Not kidding.

An Icepick Through My Nutsack

This morning's staff meeting consisted of a 10 minute discussion as to why there is a discrepancy between the clocks on our computers, telephones, and the "clock on the wall out front."  It was also determined that most people go by the clocks on their cell phones, although two co-workers discovered that there is a discrepancy between the clocks on their cell phones, and whether this was a result of each having differnt cell phone providers.  The possibility of obtaining an atomic clock to replace the "clock on the wall out front" was discussed, but concerns over whether signals from the computers would interfere with the atomic clock were raised.

And that's all I have to say about that.

Declaration

Towards the end of this morning's two hour staff meeting, of which about 40% was relevant, someone brought up a point about nothing right as we were on the verge of adjourning, and apparently I said a little too loudly under my breath, "god fucking dammit, you have to be fucking kidding me."  Two co-workers jolted their heads in my direction, one smiling and the other looking like I just shit in the middle of her desk.

Whoops.

That Guy

Co-worker:  Hey Rich, you coming to lunch today?

Me:  Nope.  Leftovers.

Co-worker:  Why don't you bring them over with you?

Me:  I'm good.

The New Man

Just got word that my office is getting a new top dog, and everyone has their panties in a bunch.  Apparently I don't grasp the severity of what is happening, because I'm pretty indifferent to it all.  Plus, the way I see it, the day after my current boss is officially out I'm going to ask her for a letter of recommendation to help with my job search.  Booyeah.  But everyone is weird all of a sudden.  It's not discontent or low morale, just weirdness.  When we all met in the conference room to get the news the looks on everyone's faces was a cross between on the verge of tears and holding back barf.  And the best comment was from my supervisor who calmly announced, "Don't worry, no one's job is going to change - well, maybe yours will, Rich."

Nice.

Take a Pill

You better guarantee that if someone I work with says this to me in the middle of a phone conversation when I'm politely explaining to him why his head is up his ass, I'm going to get a little, how shall we say, defensive.  So I'm going to go over some heads right now and send out some resumes, and am planning to pull a "I'm going home for the rest of the day" move.  Perhaps there is still some of the 20s me that is hanging on.  Fuck it.

And you know, I'm all paranoid about writing about my job and freaked out that someone might take offense about remarks I make respecting certain branches of government.  Okay I guess I'm still paranoid.  Need to do a quick refresher on the Whistleblower Protection Act.

Take a pill.  Here's one:  go get fucked.

Today's Site Visit

My boss:  You have to admit, it's a pretty nice house.

Me:  Fuckin' A.

My boss:  Is that a legal term?

Me:  Yeah.  Sorry.

Confrontational

Apparently I get a little confrontational when I think people are trying to tell me how to do my job.  I raise my voice a little bit, try to make the person who is challenging me look like a dope.  I am sick and tired and frustrated of always being the youngest person in the room.  I don't care, but I care.  And the fucking conversations I have to endure with people I share absolutely nothing in common with are like fingernails on a chalkboard.  Where did you grow up?  New Hampshire.  Oh.  Wonderful.  Yep.

So I had to give this big presentation yesterday to a bunch of strangers I never met before, but who technically work for the same team as me.  I don't prepare anything anymore, I just talk.  I did this for my last court argument, turned out to be a gem.  I blab for a little while, this and that, and sure as shit someone has a problem with how I do my job.  We shouldn't be doing this, blah blah blah, wah wah wah, yeah yeah yeah, it really needs to be this, grr grr grr, boo boo boo.  I was ready for it and was basically like, look, I don't care, this is how we're doing things now.  My boss supports me, her boss supports me, and that is really all I'm concerened with.  Someone else jumps in, "If I may just add something to what dumb shit just said, we really need to do this, not that, blah blah blah, wah wah wah."  I'm paraprhasing.

I've lost track of how many times I've thought, if you want to do my job, you're going to have to go to law school and pass the fucking bar exam.  Otherwise, I suggest you pick up a weapon, and stand a post.  Either way, I don't give a damn what you think you are entitled to.  Keifer Sutherland's character in A Few Good Men was great, too.  I think I'd like to meet him and Michael Imperioli.  Definitely Will Farrell.  They are so talented but strike me as cool people, deep people.  I'd like to workout with President Bush and ask him, so, what the fuck are you doing?  I'm not convinced Tyra Banks' tits are real, I'd like to meet them, too.  That's the short list.

I'm probably going to flip out a little bit one day.  Maybe say some things I shouldn't say.  Hurt someone's feelings.  Profanity has a decent chance of getting into the game.  I'm just to tired to dance for people anymore.  I very well could be in the wrong profession altogether.  I don't know.  I'm 30 now, but it really doesn't mean shit.

Those tits can't be real.