Slice of Life

Ahh, Global Warming

Today's high of 74 degrees breaks 84-year old record

All Hell About to Break Loose

Winter Storm Warming; 3-5 inches predicted for Charlotte

The comments following the article are pure comedy, mostly consisting of the northern transplants bashing the south and vice versa.  I'm not afraid to say it though:  people down here can't drive for shit.  It's remarkable given this part of the country being the birthplace of racing and all.  In 2 years I've witnessed 2 accidents as they happened, once as I jogged my loop and not too long ago as the wife and I were out to do some shopping (an SUV switched lanes behind me and piss pounded an unsuspecting sedan of some sort).  It's a pity all of our National Guardsmen and women are in Iraq because we might actually need them tomorrow.  I'll be hitting the road first thing with a latte, my dog, and a camera.

Whadda Ya Think?

How fast do you think it will take George W. Bush to get the necessary supplies, personnel and even himself to Texas after Hurricane Ike hits versus the response time for Hurricane Katrina?

Not this Again

Never did I miss the heart of winter in northern Vermont than just about a year ago in early August, as I stood on the back of a moving truck at high noon, the burning sun that comes with 104-degree weather beating down on my body with the same intensity that a young teenager flogs his flute when the monthly Victoria's Secret catalogue arrives.  This news has me missing those sub-zero days back home in January when my car would make sounds I've never heard before in my life upon inserting the key to the ignition and trying to get it to start.  Let's hope this is not the start of another long, hot summer that will surely lead to a drought and water restrictions.

Southern "Snow" Day

I absolutely love it when "severe winter weather" blows through the south, as it is scheduled to do late tonight.  The e-mail to all staff advising us to "work at home" tomorrow should be circulating any minute, hilarious.

Local on the What?

I knew there was a good reason I got drunk tonight.  Not so much to forget today's worries, but to temporarily forget about how absolutely miserable I am going to be tomorrow.  I like flipping to the weather channel to catch the "local on the 8's" weather forecast, and this evening I saw something I had never seen before.  You got your local Doppler, some current conditions, then the 5-day outlook.  One of those scenes was interrupted tonight with the following screen:

THE CITY OF CHARLOTTE SET A RECORD TEMPERATURE TODAY WITH A READING OF 102 DEGREES.  THAT SENSATION YOU ARE FEELING IS YOUR BRAIN OOZING OUT YOUR EAR AND TRICKLING DOWN THE SIDE OF YOUR FACE.

Definitely on the satirical side respecting that last sentence, as there was indeed some additional information about today's record temps, but I was more concerned about the whole new twist in the "local on the 8's" weather report.  I dig it, just something I've never seen before.  And thanks for the reminder of what a swift kick in the nuts today's sweltering heat was, appreciate it.  This article pretty much says it all.

So tomorrow is the big day.  Sign zee papers, drop off the dog with the dog-sitter, pick up the moving truck, then who knows after that.  This has me 40% concerned (courtesy of our creative friends at weather.com):

...AIR QUALITY ACTION DAY REMAINS IN EFFECT FROM 6 AM TO 9 PM EDT THURSDAY... ...HEAT ADVISORY REMAINS IN EFFECT FROM 12 PM TO 7 PM EDT THURSDAY... ...AIR QUALITY ACTION DAY HAS EXPIRED...

THE AIR QUALITY ACTION DAY IS NO LONGER IN EFFECT FOR TODAY. AN AIR QUALITY ACTION DAY REMAINS IN EFFECT FROM 6 AM TO 9 PM EDT THURSDAY. A HEAT ADVISORY REMAINS IN EFFECT FROM 12 PM TO 7 PM EDT THURSDAY.

HIGH TEMPERATURES ACROSS THE PIEDMONT OF WESTERN NORTH CAROLINA ARE EXPECTED TO RANGE FROM 100 TO 102 DEGREES AGAIN ON THURSDAY AFTERNOON. THE COMBINATION OF HOT TEMPERATURES AND HUMID CONDITIONS WILL PRODUCE HEAT INDEX VALUES EXCEEDING 105 FOR SEVERAL HOURS.

A HEAT ADVISORY MEANS THAT A PERIOD OF HOT TEMPERATURES IS EXPECTED. THE COMBINATION OF HOT TEMPERATURES AND HIGH HUMIDITY WILL COMBINE TO CREATE A SITUATION IN WHICH HEAT ILLNESSES ARE POSSIBLE. DRINK PLENTY OF FLUIDS... STAY IN AN AIR-CONDITIONED ROOM...STAY OUT OF THE SUN...AND CHECK ON RELATIVES AND NEIGHBORS.

THE DIVISION OF AIR QUALITY AT THE NORTH CAROLINA DEPARTMENT OF ENVIRONMENTAL AND NATURAL RESOURCES HAS ISSUED A CODE ORANGE AIR QUALITY ACTION DAY FOR THE CHARLOTTE REGION. AN AIR QUALITY ACTION DAY MEANS THAT GROUND LEVEL OZONE CONCENTRATIONS WITHIN THE REGION MAY APPROACH OR EXCEED UNHEALTHY STANDARDS. FOR ADDITIONAL INFORMATION...PLEASE VISIT THE NORTH CAROLINA DIVISION OF AIR QUALITY WEB SITE AT DAQ.STATE.NC. US/AIRAWARE/FORECAST/.

Mostly Sunny

High 102°F Precip 20%

A UV index of 10, to boot.  As I mentioned to my former office manager in an e-mail this afternoon, I actually daydreamed today about the -20 degree temps I used to bitch and gripe about in mid-January.  Seriously.  Those days seem so much more comfortable compared to this madness.  Not a real mosquito problem down here I've noticed, me being in a glass-half-full mood and all.

Hilarious

I'm developing almost a morbid obsession with following the weather back north, mostly because it is spirit lifting to read about the crap I would otherwise be shoveling/cursing through then look out my window at clear skies then later walk a dog who I know is even happier because he doesn't have to stick his big dong in a foot of ice and snow anymore.  Today was one of those days, as a good ol' fashioned April snowstorm is hitting my beloved northeast.  I feel badly, however, for the high school kids who play spring sports.  For the past month or so, I've been driving home at night past crowded baseball and lacrosse fields, full of life.  Landscapers have been in high gear for just as long.  It's just the way life should be, particularly in April.  My favorite and most telling excerpt from the article:

Snow is common during a Vermont April. In the past 120 years, only two Aprils in Burlington -- 1941 and 2005 -- had no snow. On April 16, 1983, a snowstorm dumped 15.6 inches of snow on Burlington, contributing to what became the snowiest April on record, with 21.3 inches.

Two Aprils in pretty much the history of Vermont had no snow.  Two.  Um, yeah, good luck with that.  Although, if you have never been flying down a mountain hamboned on a pair of skis wearing a t-shirt and shorts (as I did on my birthday, May 5th, in the spring of 2001 to be exact), there is no better feeling in the world.  But given a choice, I'll gladly take crowded baseball fields, landscaping, and a happy dog.

A Novel Concept

Spring weather when it is actually spring.  It's something I've never experienced before in my life.  It's 83 degrees right now, both the front and back cracks of my boxers are completely blown out, and I'm here at work drinking beer and listening to Widespread Panic with my office mate.  She told me today that I'm probably going to get sunburned from having my desk face the window.  We did a major overhaul in our office and the first thing I did was turn my desk to face the window, as I'm still getting used to having a view of a city with an actual skyline.  (This shot most accurately depicts my view of uptown from my desk and was taken about a block away from my office; it doesn't show my view of the football stadium, however, a favorite walking spot for me and Cleveland.  This is a great shot of the entire skyline, beautiful at night.)  Although the biggest perk of my job is neither the green light to blast music and drink during work hours:  I can bring my dog with me whenever I want.  Cleveland, as you can imagine, has won the crowd.

The last time I experienced 80+ degree weather in March was back in 1998 when I went to Cancun for spring break.  Life was pretty damn good back then, too.  (Minus the whole hand-cuffed to a palm tree on a dirt floor in a Mexican jail scene.)

Not One Bit

I don't miss New England.  I don't miss the snow, I don't miss the cold weather, I don't miss the struggle that is daily life from late October to mid-April.  I don't miss the game of roulette I played most mornings with my car keys, the ignition, and a frozen engine.  Every.  Single.  Year.  Apparently an arctic chill is hitting the north over the next few days.  Don't miss that.  Nope.  Not one bit.  My pecker is small enough as it is, so you can imagine the inferiority complex I get when I take my little buddy out in sub-zero temperatures.  Not pretty.  Last Friday, March 2nd to be exact, I took my hound into work in the morning with the intention of slow burning the day due to the grant writing madness that had ensued for the better part of the previous two weeks, then got a call from my buddy and former host father.  "Hello," he said in a deep, clearly fake and forced voice.  "This is Jim from the Board of Directors, I wanted to congratulate you on the recent grant you submitted yesterday and suggest that you take the rest of the day off and go golfing with your buddy."  See, I knew my buddy was going golfing that Friday, and I was trying to keep myself on the just-suck-it-up-and-go-to-work-and-get-organized blah blah blah track, but as soon as I got that call Friday morning, I was out.  It was 65 degrees, not a cloud in the sky, and I had the opportunity to spend an afternoon getting completely hamboned with a close friend and hitting a few golf balls here and there.  For the record, I was en fuego for the first two holes.  Bogey-bogey, as a matter of fact.  Before teeing up on hole 3 the extra curricular activities began, and that's pretty much all I can remember other than getting my left foot stuck in two feet of mud (we did get 3 inches of rain the day before) and feeling my red face gradually become hotter and hotter from the sun beating down on it throughout the afternoon.  At least a dozen times I just looked around and asked, "Are you kidding me?  Are you fucking kidding me right now?"  My only regret about relocating to the south is that I didn't do it sooner, but we can only look through the windshield now.

My analness used to prevent me from making the right decision in situations such as this one.  My pragmatic side would generally dominate, oftentimes to my detriment despite my utter ambivalence in most cases.  You hear it all the time:  life's too short.  All the time.  Too much, if you ask me.  It isn't an issue of life being too short; that point, we can all agree upon.  But the decisions one makes and the manner in which he or she maximizes that short time is what counts.  I have been blessed in my life with loving friends and family and a phenomenal wife who all help soften my usually unflappable pragmatism.  When it was all said and done, I could not believe that I actually considered spending last Friday in an office.  Hilarious.

Shut Down

Today has been one of the most interesting if not downright hilarious days in recent memory.  I am pleased to report that I have been proudly driving around with my Vermont tags, showing people how it's done.  Schools are shut down, local weathermen are freaking out, and our office is officially shut down.  "Snow Day" was the subject line of the e-mail my boss sent to everyone this morning, which I received shortly after 7:30 a.m. at my desk, not even considering that a business would close its door with an inch of snow on the ground.  Also a native New Englander and former Vermonter, my boss and I are the only ones in the office today.  Today I am the Anti-Costanza.  It's also nice to see that I'll never bitch about my new city wasting tax dollars on snow plows or anything remotely related to snow and ice removal.